Looking back at where I am today and where the 8-4-4 system had placed me, I thank God that He has a purpose and plan for all of us. At times I wonder whether I will be able to tell my kids that I was never in the top 10 position in class. Most of our parents have told us how they were position 1 in their class and I always wonder who was last? Think about it.
I envy today’s young generation. Having being raised in Kericho and Nakuru in my younger days, I didn’t know English too well and at 6 years I was speaking broken English. My first birthday was so memorable and exciting in that I could not say birthday and would welcome my friends and visitors by saying ‘welcome to my passday’. Oh well ,thank God that we catch up quick and I went to Milimani Primary and later Nairobi Primary and my report forms would read “ Sylvia is very playful and can do better if she settled down" or "slight imporvement but can do better".
Class 8 came and I scored 432/700, and that was ok but I was called to Muslim Girls in Ngara. My mum could not see how her daughter would go to that school and hence got me into Pangani Girls. People with 500 and above were admitted to this school and we who didn’t qualify were called “back doors”. I had such a low self esteem because I never believed in myself and felt like second class. Believe it or not I reported to form 1 sometime in mid February and by end term, I was last in the class. Yes, we were about 45. Next term, I graduated to second last and my performance improved as time went by to 30's and middle 20s(occasionally). My mum filed the report cards from nursery schoolto secondary so I will have the evidence to show my kids that their mum wasn’t the brightest girl in the class but was not defined by that position.
I always dreaded giving my mum my report card, in fact sometimes the school used to send the results two weeks after closing day and I loved those 2 weeks. I could laugh, enjoy myself and when the results came it was war with mum. You see my mum was a bright student, she was called to Alliance in her days and was even a head girl and those days it was something big. Here was her daughter who was performing poorly and I could understand her frustration. Anyway in Form 2 we were learning about chromosomes and I tried to get a biological reason as to my poor performance. I thought that her genes and those of my dad were so different hence why I was nothing close to what she was, I was just an average student.
All said and done after getting saved, my esteem seemed to have picked up and I held on to promises that we shall be first and not last and that we shall not be shamed and I put effort. When we did our 4th form exams, my mum was pleading with me to at least get a C to be able to get to private university. I passed with a B- and there was a clear reason to celebrate. I was enrolled into an IT college and amazingly performed very well and at some point got awards for best student. The tables had turned and I wondered whether it was the same person? What was different about secondary school and university? Was I intimidated in high school or blinded with the term “back door”?
I have talked to many students in secondary school and encouraged them with my story because we put so much pressure on our kids regarding their results (which is ok to some extent) but what if they are average? Can we appreciate our kids as they are and support them instead of stressing them? My mum and I are good friends and we rarely quarreled but all our fights would be about books. Was it worth it? I strongly believe that our children should work hard and that as the parents we nurture the best out of them, may they be all round. Our education system is so competitive and we keep asking “what position were you? How many marks did you get?” That is too much stress I think.
When I went for my masters, I was surprised at the Australians attitude. No one was competing with the other, they were in class to learn and if one got a credit or merit it was ok. The emphasis was on what value you got from that lesson and not grade you got at the end. Because we are not defined by our grades, we are defined by who we become in life and am so thankful to God that our “averageness” was not a rubber stamp, we can become what we want in life. But again am thankful for my mum who believed in me and knew that I deserved an opportunity to study with the best because she had seen the best in me.
Who would have thought that Sly, would be a wife to Alex, mum to Samara and run a business today? Even I, at that time in secondary school would have laughed but God amazingly has pieced all our lives experiences together for a greater purpose, bigger than us. May you be encouraged and declare that your background, past mistakes don't define you. You are God's child and He has great things in store for you.
I envy today’s young generation. Having being raised in Kericho and Nakuru in my younger days, I didn’t know English too well and at 6 years I was speaking broken English. My first birthday was so memorable and exciting in that I could not say birthday and would welcome my friends and visitors by saying ‘welcome to my passday’. Oh well ,thank God that we catch up quick and I went to Milimani Primary and later Nairobi Primary and my report forms would read “ Sylvia is very playful and can do better if she settled down" or "slight imporvement but can do better".
Class 8 came and I scored 432/700, and that was ok but I was called to Muslim Girls in Ngara. My mum could not see how her daughter would go to that school and hence got me into Pangani Girls. People with 500 and above were admitted to this school and we who didn’t qualify were called “back doors”. I had such a low self esteem because I never believed in myself and felt like second class. Believe it or not I reported to form 1 sometime in mid February and by end term, I was last in the class. Yes, we were about 45. Next term, I graduated to second last and my performance improved as time went by to 30's and middle 20s(occasionally). My mum filed the report cards from nursery schoolto secondary so I will have the evidence to show my kids that their mum wasn’t the brightest girl in the class but was not defined by that position.
I always dreaded giving my mum my report card, in fact sometimes the school used to send the results two weeks after closing day and I loved those 2 weeks. I could laugh, enjoy myself and when the results came it was war with mum. You see my mum was a bright student, she was called to Alliance in her days and was even a head girl and those days it was something big. Here was her daughter who was performing poorly and I could understand her frustration. Anyway in Form 2 we were learning about chromosomes and I tried to get a biological reason as to my poor performance. I thought that her genes and those of my dad were so different hence why I was nothing close to what she was, I was just an average student.
All said and done after getting saved, my esteem seemed to have picked up and I held on to promises that we shall be first and not last and that we shall not be shamed and I put effort. When we did our 4th form exams, my mum was pleading with me to at least get a C to be able to get to private university. I passed with a B- and there was a clear reason to celebrate. I was enrolled into an IT college and amazingly performed very well and at some point got awards for best student. The tables had turned and I wondered whether it was the same person? What was different about secondary school and university? Was I intimidated in high school or blinded with the term “back door”?
I have talked to many students in secondary school and encouraged them with my story because we put so much pressure on our kids regarding their results (which is ok to some extent) but what if they are average? Can we appreciate our kids as they are and support them instead of stressing them? My mum and I are good friends and we rarely quarreled but all our fights would be about books. Was it worth it? I strongly believe that our children should work hard and that as the parents we nurture the best out of them, may they be all round. Our education system is so competitive and we keep asking “what position were you? How many marks did you get?” That is too much stress I think.
When I went for my masters, I was surprised at the Australians attitude. No one was competing with the other, they were in class to learn and if one got a credit or merit it was ok. The emphasis was on what value you got from that lesson and not grade you got at the end. Because we are not defined by our grades, we are defined by who we become in life and am so thankful to God that our “averageness” was not a rubber stamp, we can become what we want in life. But again am thankful for my mum who believed in me and knew that I deserved an opportunity to study with the best because she had seen the best in me.
Who would have thought that Sly, would be a wife to Alex, mum to Samara and run a business today? Even I, at that time in secondary school would have laughed but God amazingly has pieced all our lives experiences together for a greater purpose, bigger than us. May you be encouraged and declare that your background, past mistakes don't define you. You are God's child and He has great things in store for you.
Comments
I'm reading a book by Larry Winget and he totally agrees that parents shouldn't put this pressure on their children when it comes to grades. Exerpt from his book...
"Do not expect perfection. Kids are not perfect. They are kids. Especially when it comes to grades. Good grades are not worth crying over. Good grades are not worth sacrificing social balance over. Ask your kids to do their best, help them do their best, then teach them to be satisfied with their results.
The short list for raising good kids:
If you have little bitty kids, sit on the floor a lot. Communicate at their level.
Teach them about money. How to earn it, save it, invest it, spend it, and give it away.
Listen to them.
Ask more, tell less.
Hug more, nag less.
Show your kids affection even after they think they are too big for it.
Teach them the really important things: kindness, charity, love, forgiveness, compassion, respect, honesty, responsibility, and how to have fun.
Never lie to them. Never tolerate any lie from them.
Encourage your children to develop their own uniqueness. Do not try to mold their personalities. Let them be who they are and let them become what they want to become, not what you want them to become.
Do not make a jackass out of yourself at their sporting events.
Do not protect them too much. Let them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences. The lesson is in the consequences.
They need love more than stuff."
May we bring out the best in our children and I shall not lie that I was number 1 because that doesn't define me.
God had something good in mind when he created each one of us. I can't wait to share with my children about my history and hear what they will have to say about it.