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Tears of a mother

I am not sure if all mums are like me but I really get stressed when Samara is unwell.  I heard someone on radio say that there are people whose tears are so near yet others, it takes effort before they get to cry. I am in the first category.

Sometime back we had gone for holiday with our couple group friends . While in Malindi, we went for dinner in a place we like to frequent when there. We ordered some beef stew for Samara. I didn't bother to taste the stew because I assumed  it was like what we were eating which was ok. Later that evening she fell sick and started vomitting. The following morning, she vomitted again and we thought  it will pass as she had no fever. We headed on for breakfast but she didn't want to taste anything. Later that day she threw up and I couldn't take it anymore and broke down. It is so hard to see your baby unwell or suffer. You wish you can trade it with her.

We took her to a local clinic and the doctor said since there was no fever we shouldn't worry and her system would clear on its own. We were given an anti-nausea drug and de-wormer(we didn't use this). She seemed to have stabilised abit though she was purely on breast milk, she couldn't stand anything else.  I was mentally, physically and emotionally tired. Alex was as supportive as always but this girl demanding breastmilk through out and I was not used to that was just draining. On our way back to Nairobi, she vomitted again and  I found myself in tears.

A trip has never been as long as that one. Alex drove as fast as he could and we couldnt wait to reach Nairobi and take her to hospital. The local clinic said it could not run tests and we if we needed to know what was worng we would have had to go to Mombasa town. At that point I appreciated Nairobi and the many options we have for hospitals. When we finally went to hospital, the doctor said she was ok and her system would clear  by itself. Alex asked if the doctor would give us any medication and he said no. So we went home praying all will be well and she vomitted later that evening. Our concern was that she would be dehydarated and so we went back the following day and were given some Zinc tablets that would stop the stomach irritation and some solution to help in dehydrating her system.

I recall on the Wednesday when she was unwell, I told God it is hard to be a mum. That evening, I had to change my clothes 3 times. The first time, Samara had a running stomach and the poop went through the diaper and on to my trouser. The second time, she vomited on me and the third time, I was giving her medicine and she hit it and it came tumbling on me. At that point, I requested the house help to stay with her as I took sometime out in the laundry area to hide and just recover because I was emotionally exhausted. While she was unwell she just wanted mummy to hold her. I cleaned her soiled clothes because I never let the housegirl do that. Samara is our child and its our responsibility to clean out such not so nice stuff.When Alex got home and asked how I was, I just burst into tears saying how hard the evening . The next day we went to our pediatrician who gave us an antibiotic that helped the gut.

Soon she was back to  her normal self with her appetite having double.I thanked God for my mum and all mums who give themselves selflessly. I appreciated all the women who spend sleepless nights caring for a sick child, giving them love and hope. I also thanked God for a supportive husband who would take Samara and hold her and allow me sometime out.

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