I am one excited gal today. Ok not excited but relieved is a better word. As you all know, I dreaded coming back to work after Jaden's death because of the many questions people would ask me. My mum enocuraged me to get back to my "normal routine" and so I did.
My initial encounters were very painful, explaining to people with whom we share the same office block that Jaden had rested. I had clients also call just to check on me. At times I battled in my head or within me when someone asked about Jaden. I would ask myself, how often do I see you? Do I really have to take you down my road? Do I need you to feel bad or can I spare you the information. So depending on the answers, I either told you what happened or just let the question slide.
So in my daily interactions that used to be the debate in my head. However there were 2 ladies who we met regularly and one would even ask how old is the baby now and I gathered I needed to tell her so that she wouldnt have to ask me the same question over and over again. But the other lady I struggled.Why because her office is on the same floor as ours but we do not meet everyday, sometimes we meet in the washrooms, at times she would pop in to the shop. She would ask me about baby over and over again at every point of interaction. I told Alex of my struggle and one day she actually found us at the shop with Alex and she asked baout the baby and I was tongue tied..never really got guts to tell her. The other day she found me eating weetabix and she thought I was weaning the baby but I said it was mine.
So today finally, she came and purchased a top.On her way out a friend of hers walked in and as they chatted the friend asked me where Samara was. I said she was in school and she said she had seen a small toddler in my office and I explained that it was a client's child.Then the other lady asked but you have another baby, and as my tongue tie almost set in, I told her I have been meaning to tell her we lost the baby after the surgery.She felt so so sorry and sad and I confessed to her, how much I have struggled and never got the courage to tell her..She was truly apologetic and sorry and said she too has lost 3 pregnancies and her friend two pregnancies. I was so relieved to have got it out of my chest. A client walked in and I had to attend to them but I knew in my heart ,that was God who had set up that meeting to free my heart. I know she will go tell another lady who has also been wondering where I took the baby.
Thank you Lord for finally realising me from that painful experience that has been for the past many monthsr. I feel so so much better.
My initial encounters were very painful, explaining to people with whom we share the same office block that Jaden had rested. I had clients also call just to check on me. At times I battled in my head or within me when someone asked about Jaden. I would ask myself, how often do I see you? Do I really have to take you down my road? Do I need you to feel bad or can I spare you the information. So depending on the answers, I either told you what happened or just let the question slide.
So in my daily interactions that used to be the debate in my head. However there were 2 ladies who we met regularly and one would even ask how old is the baby now and I gathered I needed to tell her so that she wouldnt have to ask me the same question over and over again. But the other lady I struggled.Why because her office is on the same floor as ours but we do not meet everyday, sometimes we meet in the washrooms, at times she would pop in to the shop. She would ask me about baby over and over again at every point of interaction. I told Alex of my struggle and one day she actually found us at the shop with Alex and she asked baout the baby and I was tongue tied..never really got guts to tell her. The other day she found me eating weetabix and she thought I was weaning the baby but I said it was mine.
So today finally, she came and purchased a top.On her way out a friend of hers walked in and as they chatted the friend asked me where Samara was. I said she was in school and she said she had seen a small toddler in my office and I explained that it was a client's child.Then the other lady asked but you have another baby, and as my tongue tie almost set in, I told her I have been meaning to tell her we lost the baby after the surgery.She felt so so sorry and sad and I confessed to her, how much I have struggled and never got the courage to tell her..She was truly apologetic and sorry and said she too has lost 3 pregnancies and her friend two pregnancies. I was so relieved to have got it out of my chest. A client walked in and I had to attend to them but I knew in my heart ,that was God who had set up that meeting to free my heart. I know she will go tell another lady who has also been wondering where I took the baby.
Thank you Lord for finally realising me from that painful experience that has been for the past many monthsr. I feel so so much better.
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