My Life

August 17th 2017 Happy birthday to me today. I am 37years old and so excited about it.Don't remember being this excited as I stand in awe of the Lord who created me. My life has been an amazing journey and I would never have thought I would be who I am today, not in my wildest dreams. Almost 40years(4th floor as we call it), I think when you are 16 years you think you will never reach here but I have no regrets, thankful for my blessings and naming them one by one. So blessed to have Alex, to have mothered 3beautiful children, to be a friend who loves and is loved back by many I have much to be thankful for. Looking forward to a great year of purpose, pursuing what I love..relationships and people. Talking, sharing , positively influencing those I interact with  and sharing God's love with them. May the Lord help me.Amen Thankful Sylvia

Faith and fear cannot be in the same space. One must choose either faith or fear. I have found myself many times confronted with that choice, when a doctor says something and you choose the report of the Lord which is like swimming upstream because our default is fear or at least mine. Over the past 3years, we had noticed Nate was breathing alot through the mouth and despite being quite active, at night he tossed quite abit and would snore so loudly. Recently baby girl complained that she can't sleep with him because he makes noise at night. We have had many visits to the doctors, trying antihistamines, saline drops, probeta just to help unblock the nose, however, we  said enough was enough when we couldn't sleep for 3 nights. Nate was sound asleep but he would seem to stop breathing for like 5secs and we would have to prop him for him to breath yet he was sound asleep. They call it sleep apea( Sleep apnea is a serious sleep disorder that occurs when a person's breathin...

He is 3years today, what an amazing journey this has been. God is faithful,even after the darkness there is light , there is hope,there is healing and joy cometh after the sorrow.This morning as I drove to work, I just sat in the car and cried, tears of joy, tears of how God has been great and faithful. Nate is a blessing to me and our entire blessings. Children born after the loss of another are called rainbow babies, not sure why but the rainbow is beautiful, you never look at the rainbow and your heart isn't warmed. The rainbow was also a covenant from God. Am thankful for Nate, this handsome boy tells you thank you many times, appreciates every little thing you do, he appreciates and complements when you go to salon,he hugs and demands to be listened too.He is sensitive yet so loving. A blessing, a real blessing. May you be encouraged today.

I have always looked at life as a journey because there is never a time you can say you have reached your destination.Yes you may have milestones but a final destination am not sure that is possible. This morning as I walked from Nairobi Hospital, I thought to myself  that it has been almost 5years since Jaden passed on in the very hospital.I told myself that despite God being a healer of our broken hearts,  things I  thought were obvious like visiting patients in hospital are not automatic. It takes strength and God to help me walk into some of these places, despite the number of years that have gone by. The initial years after loss, I didn't even want to walk or drive past that hospital, with time there were wards I would go to and some I wouldn't go to date. My girlfriend is admitted in a female ward  and I have been visiting her with no issues.However, she needed a surgical procedure and was to be in HDU after surgery for observation then go back to the ward....

The other day, Nate and I went to see a friend's newborn baby. When we got home, Samara asked whether the baby was a boy or girl. So I said its a boy and she said" so auntie is a mum of three boys and you mummy are a mum to 1 girl and 2 boys" and moved on with her life. Oh, that warmed my heart, that Samara knows that I am a mother of three, how amazing is that. Even when Jaden is not here she remembers him and still counts him as a sibling, it really warmed my heart. At the beginning of the year after church, as we drank tea with a friend,another lady came and suggested that I should get baby number 3, I quickly told her am ok with the 2 God has given me. My friend quickly added that after all there is no pressure, am already a mum of three and that also quietened my heart. I appreciated that she also viewed me as a mum of three. I guess you wondering where am going with all this but I just wanted to show that the pressure is real and constant reminders that you are ...

For sure the journey continues everyday. I was shocked at myself last year when Jaden's 4th year anniversary came and I moaned so deeply. I cried alot, felt like I had gone back to the initial days when we just lost him, i felt depressed and was so so sad for weeks. I tried to ask why that happened and I realised that, while aiding a friend who was admitted in a certain hospital during that time, I got to interact with a mum who was also admitted with her 5 day old daughter who was to undergo surgery, we interacted almost on a daily basis until they were discharged . However, I could identify with that mum's fears before surgery, when baby was in surgery and when baby got out of surgery alive and safe. I guess all that just took me down, don't get me wrong, I was so so happy for her that they went in and came out safe. I guess, I just wished that my story was like that, ended with a happy ending and so when the day Jaden passed came, I moaned and moaned deeply. But God is f...

My Samara, is all grown now. Yes she is 7years yet behaves more grown up than that, at times asking very tough questions, having her own mind and ideas and opinions. All in all am grateful. Earlier in the year, I felt inadequate to be her mom, yes, I felt like we were clashing so much on most things and I felt like am failing at parenting my baby girl. But it dawned on me that she is growing and instead of handing down instructions,we must sit and discuss, that way we get to talk and agree on issues. With that approach ,I feel much better. Many years ago when Samara got her open heart surgery, my greatest worry was the scar on the chest, I prayed that it would disappear and that we would never have to answer any questions or have the scar affect Samara's self-esteem.But I had read other people's experiences and of course the scar stays. So the day I feared came yesterday, when Samara asked what happened pointing to the scar...I had to explain to her that she had a hole in the...