Skip to main content

Safe Guard Your Heart

I have always looked at life as a journey because there is never a time you can say you have reached your destination.Yes you may have milestones but a final destination am not sure that is possible.

This morning as I walked from Nairobi Hospital, I thought to myself  that it has been almost 5years since Jaden passed on in the very hospital.I told myself that despite God being a healer of our broken hearts,  things I  thought were obvious like visiting patients in hospital are not automatic. It takes strength and God to help me walk into some of these places, despite the number of years that have gone by. The initial years after loss, I didn't even want to walk or drive past that hospital, with time there were wards I would go to and some I wouldn't go to date.

My girlfriend is admitted in a female ward  and I have been visiting her with no issues.However, she needed a surgical procedure and was to be in HDU after surgery for observation then go back to the ward. I was so glad to have known that information prior because checking my heart at the time,I was not in a position to go to HDU. I was not hard on myself,I just let myself be.

Over the last 5years, I have learned to safe guard my heart by doing some self evaluation. I question whether am comfortable going to particular places or reading certain sites. Yesterday, I unfollowed a  page I was following which encourages mums and dads who have gone through pregnancy and child loss.The author writes beautifully, asks a few questions once in a while and the past 2months,I found myself liking and commenting alot on the page but my heart was starting to go to places/memories I needed not to. So despite it being a good site and I would encourage those who have lost children to read, my heart can't take it, at least not for now and that is fine.

I also subscribed to another page for pregnant mums with the motive of promoting our childrens clothes. However ,even with permission from the admin to post, I am uneasy to post or read through the posts. I imagine that a lady has just shared in the group that she has lost her pregnancy and I am there with my baby products,I know that feeling of loss all to well and how can I turn away from that emotion? Feels quite not right and insensitive and I shall unfollow very soon.

All am saying is that it is very important to safe guard /check your heart  in this journey of grief. Yes the years may have passed  but understanding how my heart feels towards certain situations, environments helps guard my heart for my own good.

I would love to hear from you. You can talk to me via email sylviawambui@gmail.com

Blessings
Sly
Location: Nairobi, Kenya

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unconditional love

As I went home last yesterday, I heard the song 'In harms way'  by BeBe Winans, Rhett Lawrence, Margaret Bell-Byars. When listening to music, I want to know the lyrics,what the song is communicating and how it applies in my life. This song reminds me of God's unconditional love, even when I do not deserve it, even when I have given up , even when he knows all He knows about me, he doesn't let go of me. That is just amazing. Undying love you've given to me Seen in me things I would never have seen I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery Time and time again I ask myself What have I done to deserve such wealth The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity Chorus: In wanting to save me In order to save the day Because of love you placed yourself In harm's way It's truly beyond me Left without a word to say What kind of love would place itself In harm's way? What kind of love would place itself In harm...
Post a Comment
Read more

Weight-Part 2

Once the baby is breastfeeding and starts to wean, the eyes shift from the mother to the child. Common comments ‘ what are you feeding your baby on? They are growing so well. During baby clinics, pressure mounts because your child's weight gain doesn't seem to match that of another or a friend's child. Next time you take the baby for vaccination open your ears and eyes. It’s like people are sizing each other up, or trying to boost their image especially if their baby “seems” to be ahead of others. I know this is a sensitive topic but all am saying is, yes the mother/parents have worked pretty hard to ensure that their baby is growing well and that is ok and we appreciate the good job done, but hey do we stop to think about that other woman/family who is feeling like a failure because as per the society as long as your baby is not growing as well as we expect, the mother( most times) isn't doing a good job? Do we ask ourselves why isn't that child not growing as...
6 comments
Read more
Looking back at where I am today and where the 8-4-4 system had placed me, I thank God that He has a purpose and plan for all of us. At times I wonder whether I will be able to tell my kids that I was never in the top 10 position in class. Most of our parents have told us how they were position 1 in their class and I always wonder who was last? Think about it. I envy today’s young generation. Having being raised in Kericho and Nakuru in my younger days, I didn’t know English too well and at 6 years I was speaking broken English. My first birthday was so memorable and exciting in that I could not say birthday and would welcome my friends and visitors by saying ‘welcome to my passday’. Oh well ,thank God that we catch up quick and I went to Milimani Primary and later Nairobi Primary and my report forms would read “ Sylvia is very playful and can do better if she settled down" or "slight imporvement but can do better". Class 8 came and I scored 432/700, and that was ok...
4 comments
Read more