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Safe Guard Your Heart

I have always looked at life as a journey because there is never a time you can say you have reached your destination.Yes you may have milestones but a final destination am not sure that is possible.

This morning as I walked from Nairobi Hospital, I thought to myself  that it has been almost 5years since Jaden passed on in the very hospital.I told myself that despite God being a healer of our broken hearts,  things I  thought were obvious like visiting patients in hospital are not automatic. It takes strength and God to help me walk into some of these places, despite the number of years that have gone by. The initial years after loss, I didn't even want to walk or drive past that hospital, with time there were wards I would go to and some I wouldn't go to date.

My girlfriend is admitted in a female ward  and I have been visiting her with no issues.However, she needed a surgical procedure and was to be in HDU after surgery for observation then go back to the ward. I was so glad to have known that information prior because checking my heart at the time,I was not in a position to go to HDU. I was not hard on myself,I just let myself be.

Over the last 5years, I have learned to safe guard my heart by doing some self evaluation. I question whether am comfortable going to particular places or reading certain sites. Yesterday, I unfollowed a  page I was following which encourages mums and dads who have gone through pregnancy and child loss.The author writes beautifully, asks a few questions once in a while and the past 2months,I found myself liking and commenting alot on the page but my heart was starting to go to places/memories I needed not to. So despite it being a good site and I would encourage those who have lost children to read, my heart can't take it, at least not for now and that is fine.

I also subscribed to another page for pregnant mums with the motive of promoting our childrens clothes. However ,even with permission from the admin to post, I am uneasy to post or read through the posts. I imagine that a lady has just shared in the group that she has lost her pregnancy and I am there with my baby products,I know that feeling of loss all to well and how can I turn away from that emotion? Feels quite not right and insensitive and I shall unfollow very soon.

All am saying is that it is very important to safe guard /check your heart  in this journey of grief. Yes the years may have passed  but understanding how my heart feels towards certain situations, environments helps guard my heart for my own good.

I would love to hear from you. You can talk to me via email sylviawambui@gmail.com

Blessings
Sly

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