My Life

That is the song that played in my head this morning "never would have made it, if it was not for God". Today is last day of October and we usher in November. I have been totally humbled by God's grace and strength over that past year. Jaden left us abruptly on 10th November 2012 and I thought and felt like I would die . The pain was unbearable, the missing and shock were to great to express and I wanted to just die and follow my son. I walked around like a zombie and wished the pain and experience away. With breasts full of milk, with no baby it hurt the more everytime I showered and they poured milk. But God is gracious. He is amazing for real. I wished that time would fly,fast forwar d so that I didn't have to deal with the pain but none of that happened. God walked with me daily. He heard my pleas for strength when I felt I wasn't strong enough to face the day. He touched me where it hurt most. The daily tears were wiped and replaced with an inner peace a...

http://youtu.be/4mmgV6mPvb0 We pray for blessings, we pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering And all the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love As if every promise from Your word is not enough And all the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near...

I am one excited gal today. Ok not excited but relieved is a better word. As you all know, I dreaded coming back to work after Jaden's death because of the many questions people would ask me. My mum enocuraged me to get back to my "normal routine" and so I did. My initial encounters were very painful, explaining to people with whom we share the same office block that Jaden had rested. I had clients also call just to check on me. At times I battled in my head or within me when someone asked about Jaden. I would ask myself, how often do I see you? Do I really have to take you down my road? Do I need you to feel bad or can I spare you the information. So depending on the answers, I either told you what happened or just let the question slide. So in my daily interactions that used to be the debate in my head. However there were 2 ladies who we met regularly and one would even ask how old is the baby now and I gathered I needed to tell her so that she wouldnt have to ask m...

The day finally came and thank God it was Sunday. We went to church with Alex and during worship, I moaned for my son. I told God that I would rather cry in His House than pretend that all was well. My eyes hurt, my heart was broken.The sermon on the day was " what does one do when the foundations are shaken". Guess what the answer was "you cling onto God,because He is the rock that is not shaken". After Church I just wanted to ran and just be.I let the day be, it was more manageable than I had envisioned. Thank you for your prayers. They take us a long way.

God’s purpose from all eternity is to prepare a family to indwell the kingdom of God. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11). God’s plotting for our good. In all the setbacks, He is ordaining the best for our future. Every event of our day is designed to draw us toward our God and our destiny. When people junk you in the pit, God can use it for good. When family members sell you out, God will recycle the pain. Falsely accused?  Utterly abandoned?  You may stumble but you will not fall.   You will get through this! Not because you are strong, but because God is. Not because you are big, but because God is. Not because you’re good, but because God is. He has a place prepared for you! Source: Max Lucado

After I blogged yesterday, I read a chapter on loss in Joyce Meyer's book titled "Living Beyond Your Feelings".  She had interviewed a friend  on how she coped after she  lost her husband of ten years. Her response was Just keep breathing Don't make any big decisions or changes for a year Cry Give yourself a break Mind your health Find someone you can talk to No regrets Remind yourself that you won't always feel this way Write about it Forgive Remember that there are still things to be thankful for. Things to be thankful for as I journey towards Jaden's first birthday I am thankful that I conceived and carried you for 9months I am thankful that we bonded much during those nine months. You kicked and moved alot I am thankful that you were born alive, you cried at birth I am thankful that you were healthy and alert when you were born I am thankful that when you arrived we shared that precious moment with your daddy in tears.We were so glad th...

A few weeks ago, I heard a beautiful song " The God of the Mountain" by Lynda Randle ( http://youtu.be/HUBY9TxnAMw ). That is my declaration in this season. The God of the day, is still the God of the night. Life is easy when you're up on the mountain And you've got peace of mind like you've never known. But then things change and you're down in the valley. Don't lose faith for you're never alone. For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley. When things go wrong, He'll make it right. And the God of the good times is still God in the bad times. The God of the day is still God in the night. You talk of faith when you're up on the mountain. Oh but the talk comes easy when life's at its best. But it's down in the valley of trials and temptation That's when faith is really put to the test. For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley. When things go wrong, He'll make it right. And the G...

On Sunday evening as I sat in the car waiting for Alex finish an errand, it dawned on me that Jaden's first birthday will be on Sunday 13th October and I cried. The best I did was text my sister Emma and ask her to pray for me and my family for grace for the week and the day. Unlike, other first birthday's, I do not have my son here with me to celebrate. I have no milestones of his to celebrate and that breaks my heart today. Emma wrote me a message that I read on Monday morning and she promised to pray with me but encouraged me that God had been there before me and He knows how to handle the day. I drew so much strength from just knowing that God had gone before us. I have not gathered strength to ask Alex how he thinks we ought to go about the day but I only pray for grace. Psalms 73 has been following me around in my devotions. Its emphasis is that God is my Rock and my shelter. A shelter protects from bad weather or danger. Even as I walk towards Sunday.Lord you are my ...

The month I love is here, October has always been special. Over the years God gives me a reason to celebrate it even more. Five years ago, I said "I Do" to my beloved in this special month. It has been an amazing journey that has made us stronger,better and closer. Beyond being my husband, Alex has become a dear friend that I treasure. 2 years ago this month, we had baby gal's open heart surgery in India . We walked away with an important lesson "that God is faithful all the time". I look at Samara everyday and am amazed at how she has been a blessing to us.The scar always reminds us of God's faithful. An year ago in October, we were blessed with our handsome Jaden.Baby boy brought much joy to us. What captivated me most from birth was his alertness,smile and how peaceful he was. We celebrate you my love and thank you for according me the title "mum of two". I love it& hold it dear. As I look forward to the lovely month, my theme verse...