5 Months Now

There was a time I wondered if the handkerchief was my new found friend. I wondered whether, I could ever move from one place to the other without carrying one. The tears were many and the pain was too deep. 

Today, 5 months later, I can only say only God has brought me & my family this far. I still count the days like Nov-Dec, Dec-Jan,Jan-Feb, Feb-Mar, Mar-April. Baby J, we still miss you. I have visited the grave side severally in the past few months. Brief visits and at times I have cried, at times I have just stood there, blank. Every time I do, I always have this assurance that you aint there, you are with the Lord in heaven. 

I posted this on  my facebook page today-

Baby J, it is 5months today. Unbelievable how time just flies by. I miss celebrating your milestones ,you would have been 6months on the 13th. But today, I decided that I shall celebrate the milestones we have made since you went to be with the Lord. I am more drawn to God my boy. I never knew that losing you would send me running to God,i held on to Him like dear life. I have come to know him so personally. All the things I had read about Him, I now experience them. I know that He is a comforter because he comforts me in a way only He can, I now know Him as a pillar of strength . I smile at the challenges that come my way because I know God can hold me through any challenge that comes my way. I think death is the worst thing that one can ever deal with. Eternity is more realistic to me today than it was before because I know you are with God and we shall spend not 29days together but eternity. The handkerchief is no longer my best friend, God is because of you, I have learned that the greatest treasure in life is finding God. So my love, thank you for teaching mummy so much even after death.You still live on in our hearts. Miss you much"