My Life

When you receive the news of death,the first question is what happened? We seek understanding of events that led to the death? Our minds cannot take gaps and need clear information where possible to help take in the news.If the communication is not clear or confusing, then our minds make up stories on what we think/ imagine may have happened.This is not ill intended ,it is just a way to help us cope with the devastating loss. To avoid speculation and misunderstandings ( where possible) ,it is important to explain what happened ( of course age appropriately). However,as humans ,we are different and process issues differently. As always, whether it is clear or not on what may have happened,let us be kind and show compassion.Remember,even the person or people explaining 'what happened' are equally grieving,in shock and trying to understand. Kindness and compassion always.

When death happens,we try and make sense of it by asking :what,where when,how,who and why? With everyone trying to make sense of the news,we all interpret it in different ways.Some become numb,some blame others or themselves,some are angry at everyone including the person who has died. Death is always shocking yet it's bound to happen.It leaves us with more questions than answers.Maybe that's why it's a mystery and we are never ready for it and its effects. At times death feels so unfair and life seems meaningless. In our trying to find answers or to make sense of the death,let us remember people are grieving and hurting.Our words and our actions can harm more than comfort. Let us be kind and show compassion. Sylvia Grief Educator

I was ushered into personal grief in November 2012. Over the years,I have purposed not to waste my pain and have developed great interest in loss& grief.Initially,I focused on death of a loved one but with time,I have discovered that loss is experienced in so many other ways like loss of health, relationship, friendship,work,pets or dreams etc. However,the past few months as I have read posts on grief,I have been fascinated with this words ' grief changes us'.Yes,I thought that was obvious but I didn't realize that there is a before& after the loss.One starts looking at life through the lens of before and after the loss. Loss changes your identity and I have been trying to remember,who was I before I lost my son 13years? What parts of me changed after the loss? That's what's been really nagging me lately.Did I smile more,laugh a little louder,was I more carefree with life? What was my before? What was your before? Is there anything I would want t...

Yesterday in Church,the service host asked how 2025 has been? He asked whether it has been a great year or it's  a year one would rather forget because of the challenges encountered? Thankfully my 2025 has been a good year but it reminded me of 2012,a year that was bitter sweet.One I would have liked to delete and forget yet there in lies sweet memories of Jaden. 2012 had been difficult ,dramatic with many transitions.When I look back sometimes I wonder if I was mildly depressed yet I was hopeful.I was looking forward to October when baby boy would finally be born and that would make the year better.Jaden was born on the 13th October 2012 and I was a happy mother of two for at least 2 weeks.Then came visits to the doctor, a 'simple' closed heart surgery,two days after surgery on 10th November my baby passed on and a burial on 13th November 2012 . Holiday seasons are difficult for a grieving person,family or community.There is nothing merry about Christmas.Then came Crossove...