My Life

Jaden,its so hard this third year.I miss you terribly.Today,I found myself asking God to give you back to us.Sounds crazy, sounds like am going back to grieving the initial days when I wanted you given back to us. I take Nate to Sunday school and in his class the other day, there was a Jaden and his name was just written like our Jaden's. At some point, the boy hit Nate and he apologised by giving Nate a hug and my heart melted and ran wild wishing, hoping that our Jaden was here with us. I pray for grace, I pray for strength for me, for Alex and all of us.May He strengthen me, may He strengthen us all. Miss you loads

The boy is 17months today. He has totally grown. Yesterday,he was bought a ball, a big one. I have never seen Nate hang on to an item like that, he would hold it with one hand and play with the other. I guess it was very dear to him.

Yesterday we attended baby girl's Christmas Concert in school. I had asked her what her role will be and she said she was the narrator of the Christmas story and I laughed. I told her am so proud of her and that I laughed because when we did the Christmas story when I was in nursery, I was no where near the narrator I was a masked sheep. We had a good laugh that day as we drove home. I thought to myself, how life has changed and how we need to provide our kids with opportunities to learn and build their confidence.We need to applaud our kids, tell them how beautiful they are, tell them how talented they are. Let them grow up knowing their strengths and areas they need to improve. That is my heart's desire for our kids. Let them be exposed to life's opportunities. Samara turns 6 in January and is reading well and communicates very articulately in English. When I was her age, we had just moved to Nairobi and the language I knew best was Kiswahili and I was just lea...

Nate has really grown. Never in my mind did I think I would write how he has tantrums, serious ones which he drops himself on the floor, cries alot and very clear about what he wants. So the other day, we are sitted and he decides to drop his wipes and diaper on the carpet. I request him to pick them up and give me and he throws a fit and goes in full blown crying.So he tries to run to his aunty and I tell her no, he needs to learn to obey. All this time he is charged up and really crying and tries to get refuge with Samara and I tell her no he has to learn to obey. The young guy cried and cried. So I allowed him to keep quiet and reminded them that the diaper and wipes are for him to pick. Do you know he would stroll by them deliberately and when you tell him to pick he would say NO and even shake his finger to emphasise his no. I just thought to myself indeed folly is in the heart and the rod is needed to take it away. After a while , I asked him to pick and give to me he refused...

The month of October and November are such bitter sweet months for my tender heart. October, we celebrate so so much..we have our wedding anniversary, celebrate Samara's successful heart surgery that was done many years ago, celebrate Jaden's birth and celebrate our business anniversary i November. Yet in same breath, I need extra  extra grace and strength from God to overcome the underlying emotions of missing Jaden. He features so much on my head and in my heart during this season because he was born in October and rested in November. Many questions ran in my mind,many mixed emotions I feel not all the time but sometimes and I acknowledge that God takes me through each day. I miss you Jaden so much.

How time flies.Three years today,Jaden you came into our lives.Such joy we had and our titles changed to mum of two,mum to girl and boy and Samara became big sister. You were our first boy and we thankful for you.Have a blast in heavenand always kno that we love you and fonderly remember you Kisses to you my bo Love Alway Mum

Happy 35th year to me.The night before my birthday,I could hardly sleep .I was anxious at the thought that 40 is so close yet on the day,I was at peace .My wise friend Carol said,with this age,one doesn't fret much,they seem to be established in their relationships Am blessed and counting my blessings over and over again.Let me share a few pictures.

I learn alot from Samara. Many times I have admired her courage and her way of looking at life. Quite innocent and speaks what is in her heart. At the beginning of the new term, after picking her from school, Samara blurted out that they have a new boy in class and he is called Jaden. So she went ahead to say that now she knew 2 Jadens..her brother in heaven and the new boy in class. I told her that is true and we got home. I quickly wrote a text message to her class teacher explaining to her that she may hear Samara talk about her brother Jaden now that she has a classmate with same name. For sure, she did tell the teacher that she has a brother called Jaden and he fell sick and went to heaven and that she loved him so so much. I initially worried about how she will cope in class with the new boy and it has been over a month since the new term began and believe me she has never mentioned the boy again. As I reflected on that experience, I thanked God for allowing us to talk openly a...

Praise the Lord. Nate has taken his full confident steps back and forth this evening. 11th June 2015. What a gift, what a milestone. Its really really warmed our hearts. He has walked very very fast to daddy, to Samara and to me. I have just put him to bed and he gave me that cute smile and am one blessed mum. It is such a gift from God..milestones.

Oh I have been trying to log onto the blog but everytime I do ,I am not lucky enough. We are 1 Year now and we are super excited. Nate turned 1 on 26th May and it looked too short, it seemed like he'd been born just the other day and now 1year? We are grateful for Jabulani, he is such a joy to us. He is musical, he even poses to dance, claps his hands, waves them up in the air when he feels he wants to express himself more. They are lovely friends with big sister Samara and what a joy. So we celebrated his birthday just the 4 of us, in our own small way. Samara was disappointed that there was no cake but we had a great time together. A few pictures below, share in our joy. Blessings Sly

A few days ago as we had breakfast we had the below conversation with Samara Samara:Mummy, tata is the what born? Me: She is the first born like you. Samara: My cousins are many, they are 3 children Me:Yes Samara, even you guys were three..you, Jaden and Nate Samara:Yes, I am the first born, then Jaden then Nate is the last born. Me:Yes Samara Jaden seems to have impacted Samara despite her tender age then.She just had a very strong bond and deep love for him which warms my heart.  The past month I have heard so much of maternal and newborn death that it has made me miss my boy. Yesterday morning, I drove to Langata Cemetery and I was tears before I even got there, I haven't been there since November 2014. I just had this missing in my heart of him and when I got there I cried and cried some more . Someone asked me the other day when I told her I lost a son before, she said that it must be better now? I said am not sure it gets better, the missing and vacuum never get fi...

I have been challenged to turn my prayer time for the next few weeks to thanksgiving and not request sessions. And so I started to list what I am thankful for and this week am so thankful for my family. I thank God for Alex, Samara, Jaden and Nate. Yes through each one of them I have learned to love and be loved. I have learned more about God through each one of them. How timely could these pictures be? Samara loves the camera,we saw her come alive and pose and pose and pose, it was amazing to watch her.Nate was apiece of work, to keep him still, he loved the entertaining and so glad we captured some of his cute faces.  I received these photos this afternoon and I look at them and my heart bursts into song and thankfulness. I love you Lord for blessing me with these amazing people.They are priceless. Love you guys so so much this day.

Children grow to fast. I remember after Samara’s open heart surgery, my greatest concern was the scar.I asked and read whether it would ever go away as baby grows etc and I sincerely hoped that it would disappear completely. The big question came on Friday evening as she ate dinner while I fed Nate. "Mummy, will this line go away?". I must admit I was taken aback but I told her to finish her food then we could talk. As we showered Nate, I explained to her that the scar won’t go away because it reminds us of how God loves her .I told her when she was young, we went to India in a plane  to a hospital and that’s how the scar came about as the doctor treated her. After that, she gave me her own theory that, it’s a boy in her former school who rolled something on their chests (I had heard that theory from her aunt as she had told her cousins when she was much younger) but I explained that’s not true. Well for now, she was content and she didn't dig deeper and I pray t...

 I go shopping these days  I keep my self busy at mummy's job  I play with mummy's furniture at work  I am quite curious and busy  I now know the main door and mummy has to keep it shut  I pose for pictures too  I have the bestest big sister I simply love this picture. These kids bless my heart and am grateful to be their mum. Its such a treasure and enjoying have a 5year Old and 8month Old. Thank you lord

Baby gal, our Samara turned 5 years on 7th January 2015. Years sure do fly and we are thankful for this young lady. Samara appreciates beauty and she loves to visit her aunties because they wear make up and she gets all pretty. Even when she visits her grandma, they do their nails etc. She loves dresses, heels, boots and handbags and thankful she received children makeup kits and handbags for her birthday. Let me share a few pictures of her special day. Everyday Samara, we thank God for you. You have grown into a beautiful young girl both inside and outside. I admire your boldness, determination and faith. You are a woman of faith, a leader and a rose that stands out. We love you and are honoured to be your parents.