Today, my heart feels quite at peace and is smiling. Am so thankful for my family-my one in a million husband and Samara. The last two days, I have been so grateful for them and hanging out together, sharing a meal has just warmed my heart. It may sound normal but for me it was quite special.
Wednesday evening, we went to a food court in one shopping mall and shared a simple meal together and it was quite refreshing. I knew it meant alot to baby gal because as I put her to be, she said thank you God for allowing us to go to the supermarket. She continuously said thank you to her daddy and it touched my heart.
Yesterday was Valentines day and I was telling a friend, so many hearts are broken on this day with many expectations from one's loved one. Well, I only looked forward to our 4p.m. appointment because we had scheduled a meeting with our pediatric cardiologist just to ask a few questions . As I asked the questions, the doctor kept reiterating that it was not our fault or anything that we would have done differently that would have given a different outcome and that , we must allow God to work on our hearts and know that he is superior and He has our best intentions at heart. The doctor felt there was no need to change the gynacologist because there is nothing he would have done differently and even with another baby, you get to know about baby's heart condition at 20 weeks and what would one do if they were told the baby had a heart issue? Would you terminate or would you give baby a chance and allow God to also work? . The doctor was remorseful about what happened to Jaden but said that we should not walk around in guilt or paranoid about the next baby and my diet.Yes eat healthy, take the folic acids and blood boosters but also trust God to carry you through when the time comes. We should live our lives normal and place our faith in God. After we walked out of there, I felt a relief and some sort of guilt?
Had I been doubting God? Where is that master seed faith He asks of me. So today, I have purposed to put my hand in His. I may not know what lies ahead and I can't change but He knows and He will carry us through and take care of us.
James 1:6
'When you ask for something, don't have any doubts. A person who has doubts is like a wave that is blown by the wind and tossed by the sea.'
My beloved insisted that we should pass by SAS and I was protesting that I had not planned to go, only to come upstairs and find a lovely cake on my desk. Now I understood why, he did not consult me on where we should go. On our way home , he asked if he could buy me a milkshake and the girl in me said yes so fast.To crown it all, got home and found flowers from him and baby gal had made a love heart for us from school. All this warmed my heart and I counted my self blessed to have these guys in my life. Thank you Lord.
Wednesday evening, we went to a food court in one shopping mall and shared a simple meal together and it was quite refreshing. I knew it meant alot to baby gal because as I put her to be, she said thank you God for allowing us to go to the supermarket. She continuously said thank you to her daddy and it touched my heart.
Yesterday was Valentines day and I was telling a friend, so many hearts are broken on this day with many expectations from one's loved one. Well, I only looked forward to our 4p.m. appointment because we had scheduled a meeting with our pediatric cardiologist just to ask a few questions . As I asked the questions, the doctor kept reiterating that it was not our fault or anything that we would have done differently that would have given a different outcome and that , we must allow God to work on our hearts and know that he is superior and He has our best intentions at heart. The doctor felt there was no need to change the gynacologist because there is nothing he would have done differently and even with another baby, you get to know about baby's heart condition at 20 weeks and what would one do if they were told the baby had a heart issue? Would you terminate or would you give baby a chance and allow God to also work? . The doctor was remorseful about what happened to Jaden but said that we should not walk around in guilt or paranoid about the next baby and my diet.Yes eat healthy, take the folic acids and blood boosters but also trust God to carry you through when the time comes. We should live our lives normal and place our faith in God. After we walked out of there, I felt a relief and some sort of guilt?
Had I been doubting God? Where is that master seed faith He asks of me. So today, I have purposed to put my hand in His. I may not know what lies ahead and I can't change but He knows and He will carry us through and take care of us.
James 1:6
'When you ask for something, don't have any doubts. A person who has doubts is like a wave that is blown by the wind and tossed by the sea.'
My beloved insisted that we should pass by SAS and I was protesting that I had not planned to go, only to come upstairs and find a lovely cake on my desk. Now I understood why, he did not consult me on where we should go. On our way home , he asked if he could buy me a milkshake and the girl in me said yes so fast.To crown it all, got home and found flowers from him and baby gal had made a love heart for us from school. All this warmed my heart and I counted my self blessed to have these guys in my life. Thank you Lord.
Comments
I guess it all begins in the beginning in the garden of Eden where Adam and Eve's disobedience introduced pain and suffering to the world in place of the paradise that God had intended. We are then left to live in a fallen world where we endure pain and suffering and as scripture tells us, creation groans.
When we endure hardship and tragedy, Christians in a bid to provide us some comfort are quick to ascribe this to God and inappropriately use scripture out of Romans as justification - i.e all things work together for good. However, this is absolutely not what Paul was talking about if we read Romans 7 and 8 - he is actually talking about sin. We wrongly use this scripture to imply that God inflicts pain and suffering for our good. No, pain and sufferning are the result of living in a fallen world and our only comfort is that we have a comforter who knows and feels our pain and cries right alongside us as we go through life's trials and tribulations. God can give us strength to rise up from the ashes and that is one thing we differ from those who do not have a saving knowledge of Christ - they have no hope. And like King David with his son, we have the blessed assurance that we shall see our loved ones in heaven and what a glorious reunion that will be.
In the meantime, we cry out to God to hold us up when the grief seems insurmontable and that He would give us grace when friends and family try to give us spiritual comfort, but it really is no comfort at all as it born out of theological ignorance and can only lead us to question how a good and loving God can orchestrate tragedy for our supposed good. That is not God as revealed in scripture - instead He is a God that desires the best for us and that was His original plan in the gardent of Eden, a God who grieves alongside us as horible things happen in our lives and a God who has a wonderful plan of redemption who will wipe away all our tears and who yearns for us to spend eternity with Him.
I am so glad that you are going for counselling - no-one can really know what you are going through than another parent who has lost their child.
Please know that you r mattered, is loved and is remembered.
Blessings
We thank God for the love and support we have felt from friends and family, we never take that for granted.
Thank you Julia for having us at heart. Blessings to you and your family.