I must have shared earlier on my next door neighbour's baby. The baby was born sometime in early December and the mum has said she would name him Jaden. At the time when we talked, Jaden was just a few days old and well.
It has been such an internal battle within me from the time he was brought home. I had such mixed feelings. When he came home, I was so envious of his mum...she had her 3rd child while mine was gone..It tortured me that my Jaden had gone to be with the Lord and they had their Jaden..just the idea that the baby shares the name with my son, makes it so difficult. The other day, I felt proud of myself because when I heard him cry last week, I could handle it, but of late he has been crying quite abit even this morning and I just broke down as we prayed on the breakfast table. I have been telling myself am not even sure they called him Jaden, and sometimes its easy to see his clothes on the hang line and not feel bad but sometimes it is hard. One day, I shall reach a point where I shall be able to go visit and tell them congratulations..but not today.Today ,I will pray for God to give us all courage,
This morning after I told my beloved , that its quite hard to hear the baby next door cry..he too said he misses his son alot..and that was good to hear..it just sounded good.I felt am not alone in this. Baby gal has alone been talking alot about Jaden..she even pretends she is calling him while he is in heaven. For once, I saw true saddness in her eyes last week as we talked...I just gave her a hug and understood that she may not have the words to articulate missing Jaden, but she misses him a whole lot. She told me she doesn't like God but she likes Jesus. We are working on that and telling her God is good...She likes Jesus because He has her brother..bt she doesn't want to go to heaven because she is not a baby...amazing isnt it...
One thing I have said and told myself is that..we are not where we were yesterday.Everyday we walk towards our healing..we may cry, may be down at times but all in all God is carrying us through everyday and we are encouraged.We grow stronger by the day, the tears are not everyday, the questions some days are easier to answer than some, but a step at a time, we are getting stronger. The other day I asked God why he left me empty handed..and I heard Him say He is enough.That is a hard truth to comprehend but indeed Bwana wa tosha.
It has been such an internal battle within me from the time he was brought home. I had such mixed feelings. When he came home, I was so envious of his mum...she had her 3rd child while mine was gone..It tortured me that my Jaden had gone to be with the Lord and they had their Jaden..just the idea that the baby shares the name with my son, makes it so difficult. The other day, I felt proud of myself because when I heard him cry last week, I could handle it, but of late he has been crying quite abit even this morning and I just broke down as we prayed on the breakfast table. I have been telling myself am not even sure they called him Jaden, and sometimes its easy to see his clothes on the hang line and not feel bad but sometimes it is hard. One day, I shall reach a point where I shall be able to go visit and tell them congratulations..but not today.Today ,I will pray for God to give us all courage,
This morning after I told my beloved , that its quite hard to hear the baby next door cry..he too said he misses his son alot..and that was good to hear..it just sounded good.I felt am not alone in this. Baby gal has alone been talking alot about Jaden..she even pretends she is calling him while he is in heaven. For once, I saw true saddness in her eyes last week as we talked...I just gave her a hug and understood that she may not have the words to articulate missing Jaden, but she misses him a whole lot. She told me she doesn't like God but she likes Jesus. We are working on that and telling her God is good...She likes Jesus because He has her brother..bt she doesn't want to go to heaven because she is not a baby...amazing isnt it...
One thing I have said and told myself is that..we are not where we were yesterday.Everyday we walk towards our healing..we may cry, may be down at times but all in all God is carrying us through everyday and we are encouraged.We grow stronger by the day, the tears are not everyday, the questions some days are easier to answer than some, but a step at a time, we are getting stronger. The other day I asked God why he left me empty handed..and I heard Him say He is enough.That is a hard truth to comprehend but indeed Bwana wa tosha.
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Blessings.