I love God because He holds our world and no matter how much at times you want time to stop, it just moves on. God created time so that we have new days, with new grace and mercies. Everyday we take a step towards healing and I strongly believe that, I find that amazing and wonderful.
Last Friday, baby gal was closing school and they had a number of presentations. She did the opening prayer and it was so special to us. She prayed so confidently, holding the microphone and praying with all sincerity. I cried as my heart melted. They had other presentations, some she chose to just stand and stare, maybe stage fright and some she danced so well. So we have been home with her since then and it has been great just playing, bathing her, going for walks with her. She has really become independent and keeps reminding me she is big. She has also been very firm on asking for a pink big bicycle.We did some window shopping and saw some orange and purple ones with her and she was very clear that it must be pink..amazing how they grow so fast.
Many people have asked me how she is coping, and truth be told, she asks for Jaden almost everyday. But I love that she immediately responds that "he is up in the sky with the Lord" and is content with that. We also tell her that we miss him and today, I told her , we shall see him when we go to heaven. I am settled in my heart that the Lord is healing her little heart because, she was very proud to be a big sister and I always tell her forever she will be a big sister. She loves children, we have met kids younger than her and she just loves them.What I have noted is that, despite being very independent, she has become abit clingy. She wants to be sure that I will be there,within reach...maybe its because of the time we apart during the hospital stay..but slowly she is regaining her sense of independence.
As for me, everyday presents is different. Monday was 6 weeks since birth of baby J. That meant that, I needed to see the gynecologist and it would have been his 6 week vaccination. I sincerely did not want to wake up and I did not even escort my beloved to the car as he left for work. But I asked God for strength for the day and God gave me the grace to wake up and also put away all the baby clothes and beddings that we had set out for baby J in the wardrobe. Rosemary later came and when I shared with her what I did that morning she said she had been praying to God to give me the grace , when am ready to put the clothes away.I thanked God for such specific prayers friends have been making for us..they keep us going. Was it hard to do that alone? No it was not, He gave me grace and strength to do that. The visit to the doctor amazingly went ok, yes I was dreading it because I always envisioned how I would be with baby J but reality check is that baby J is ina better place and I can not live with, if he were here...I am slowly coming to accept that baby J's life was for 10 months( from conception to 1 month after birth) and I can not force or picture him beyond that. So yes he would have been 6weeks but he is not here to be ...am I making sense..So it went well at the doctor's and I thank God . The doctor was very positive and to him he said you can always get another baby any time after 3 months. That was a scary thought when we lost baby J and I actually was not too happy with many people who said we are young and can still have another baby...but as the doctor spoke, I could feel some healing because as he talked, I was not resentful..we actually laughed..I loved his optimism..those are the people we need in our lives.
Words can build or break.I thank God for a friend who told me that after her mum's death, she chose to move on with life as "normal". She chose to go to church despite feeling lost. That word has helped me and my family because we have chosen not to hide in the house...we have found our balance. We attend church, we attend birthday parties, church activities and when we feel we have had enough we excuse ourselves. We love visitors and their children and have opened our doors to them because we believe it is part of the healing process.
What has been keeping me going? The word of God..I have been listening to His word, reading it and also enjoying the bible verses that I receive from people. Today, I was able to sing and pray as we walked with Samara. I could confess to God that He is good and I know that He loves me and my family. I could declare that all that He does is good and pleasing to Him. I could also declare that He loves me and am at peace today. Today, I heard something quite profound from In touch ministries(http://www.intouch.org/Broadcast/AudioArchives.aspx) by Charles Stanley. It said " the key to rough times in our lives, is our response. It is patiently waiting on God as per Isaiah 40:27-31. Blessings to you all and thank you for the prayers and encouragement you have given us.
Last Friday, baby gal was closing school and they had a number of presentations. She did the opening prayer and it was so special to us. She prayed so confidently, holding the microphone and praying with all sincerity. I cried as my heart melted. They had other presentations, some she chose to just stand and stare, maybe stage fright and some she danced so well. So we have been home with her since then and it has been great just playing, bathing her, going for walks with her. She has really become independent and keeps reminding me she is big. She has also been very firm on asking for a pink big bicycle.We did some window shopping and saw some orange and purple ones with her and she was very clear that it must be pink..amazing how they grow so fast.
Many people have asked me how she is coping, and truth be told, she asks for Jaden almost everyday. But I love that she immediately responds that "he is up in the sky with the Lord" and is content with that. We also tell her that we miss him and today, I told her , we shall see him when we go to heaven. I am settled in my heart that the Lord is healing her little heart because, she was very proud to be a big sister and I always tell her forever she will be a big sister. She loves children, we have met kids younger than her and she just loves them.What I have noted is that, despite being very independent, she has become abit clingy. She wants to be sure that I will be there,within reach...maybe its because of the time we apart during the hospital stay..but slowly she is regaining her sense of independence.
As for me, everyday presents is different. Monday was 6 weeks since birth of baby J. That meant that, I needed to see the gynecologist and it would have been his 6 week vaccination. I sincerely did not want to wake up and I did not even escort my beloved to the car as he left for work. But I asked God for strength for the day and God gave me the grace to wake up and also put away all the baby clothes and beddings that we had set out for baby J in the wardrobe. Rosemary later came and when I shared with her what I did that morning she said she had been praying to God to give me the grace , when am ready to put the clothes away.I thanked God for such specific prayers friends have been making for us..they keep us going. Was it hard to do that alone? No it was not, He gave me grace and strength to do that. The visit to the doctor amazingly went ok, yes I was dreading it because I always envisioned how I would be with baby J but reality check is that baby J is ina better place and I can not live with, if he were here...I am slowly coming to accept that baby J's life was for 10 months( from conception to 1 month after birth) and I can not force or picture him beyond that. So yes he would have been 6weeks but he is not here to be ...am I making sense..So it went well at the doctor's and I thank God . The doctor was very positive and to him he said you can always get another baby any time after 3 months. That was a scary thought when we lost baby J and I actually was not too happy with many people who said we are young and can still have another baby...but as the doctor spoke, I could feel some healing because as he talked, I was not resentful..we actually laughed..I loved his optimism..those are the people we need in our lives.
Words can build or break.I thank God for a friend who told me that after her mum's death, she chose to move on with life as "normal". She chose to go to church despite feeling lost. That word has helped me and my family because we have chosen not to hide in the house...we have found our balance. We attend church, we attend birthday parties, church activities and when we feel we have had enough we excuse ourselves. We love visitors and their children and have opened our doors to them because we believe it is part of the healing process.
What has been keeping me going? The word of God..I have been listening to His word, reading it and also enjoying the bible verses that I receive from people. Today, I was able to sing and pray as we walked with Samara. I could confess to God that He is good and I know that He loves me and my family. I could declare that all that He does is good and pleasing to Him. I could also declare that He loves me and am at peace today. Today, I heard something quite profound from In touch ministries(http://www.intouch.org/Broadcast/AudioArchives.aspx) by Charles Stanley. It said " the key to rough times in our lives, is our response. It is patiently waiting on God as per Isaiah 40:27-31. Blessings to you all and thank you for the prayers and encouragement you have given us.
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Mush.