My Life

A client called  this week specifically to find out about the baby.She had bought a gift for baby and wanted to know how we were doing. Being a mum of two ,I didn't know how to tell her about my baby not being with me.I finally gathered myself and I explained Jaden's story and she felt quite guilty about having asked but again I explained it was not her fault. That afternoon another client called and after talking about a product she wanted she remembered that she had seen me pregnant sometime back and asked whether I got the baby, and I said yes and brushed it off. She said she would come by the office the next day and I was like phew, I wont be there to explain anything but she changed her mind and said she would pop into the shop on this particular day. Samara was taking her nap when the client came with her family and she asked oh..you have the older one here..where is the small one..at home? Awkward place to be at... So that has been my experience this week. How does it ...

A few days after bring baby J home, we met our next door neighbor who was expectant and due in December.We chatted and we found out that she too was expecting a boy and had coincidentally picked same names for our boys.Last week,her child came home and I couldn't help but feel so emotional. A Jaden is next door and my Jaden ain't here with us.I never knew clothes on a hang line could bother me so much..I admire the baby clothes they hang to dry..they are right outside my daughter's bedroom window. I have no problem holding and cuddling babies,even after Jaden passsed on,but the fact that my next door new born is my son's namesake...a constant reminder ..All I can pray is for God's peace to reign,I know the Lord will grant us grace and peace..lakini his ni ngumu kiasi                                                We are blessed with wonderful friends who do not mind ...

Jaden,I can't find the right words to express the void within me. I miss you so much my son,my peaceful one.Never did you give us a hard time. last month,a day like today you were in the ICU.As I was about to leave for home at night,I called your name and you responded so well. I sang to you,the song that you seemed to love 'I love you,you love me,we are a happy family,with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,won't you say you love me too'.As I sang you moved so much towards me in the incubator and I cried because I longed to hold you and cuddle you like I did before the surgery.I cried all the way home. I didn't know that it was our last mum to son bonding session.I didn't know that one month later, I would still cry like I did but this time, I can't look forward to seeing your handsome face tomorrow after being away for the nite. Jaden,I miss you dearly,I feel the pain in my stomach,a day hasn't passed without wondering whether am dreaming or it ...

I love God because He holds our world and no matter how much at times you want time to stop, it just moves on. God created time so that we have new days, with new grace and mercies. Everyday we take a step towards healing and I strongly believe that, I find that amazing and wonderful. Last Friday, baby gal was closing school and they had a number of presentations. She did the opening prayer and it was so special to us. She prayed so confidently, holding the microphone and praying with all sincerity. I cried as my heart melted. They had other presentations, some she chose to just stand and stare, maybe stage fright and some she danced so well. So we have been home with her since then and it has been great just playing, bathing her, going for walks with her. She has really become independent and keeps reminding me she is big. She has also been very firm on asking for a pink big bicycle.We did some window shopping and saw some orange and purple ones with her and she was very clear that ...

 I heard this song on Sunday by Israell Houghton and it blessed my heart. You can listen on You Tube http://youtu.be/P6_T29ZaxyE Take my heart Lord will You take my heart As I surrender to Your will I confess Your are my righteousness And until You move me I'll be still And know that You are God YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS AND I AM AMAZED AT YOUR LOVE I AM AMAZED THAT YOU LOVE ME YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS AND I'M NOT AFRAID MY WORLD IS SAFE IN YOUR HANDS OH IN YOUR HANDS Take my life Lord will You take my life You are the reason that I live I believe You have forgiven me And by Your grace I will forgive And I know that You are God And know that You are God You won't let go of me You won't let go of me You won't let go of me You won't let go never let go You will take care of me You will take care of me You will take care of me You will take care always ta...

I have been seeing alot on thanksgiving and today I choose to give thanks. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name." -Psalm 100:4  I am thankful to be alive and well. Grateful that I know Jesus as my Saviour and that He died for me and loves me. I thank God for my family. I thank God for my one in a million husband, a father to Samara and Jaden. My beloved is the best companion that has and can walk with me through the various seasons of life. I am thankful for baby gal, yesterday she told me she isn't called baby gal, she is growing too fast. I thank God for her energy, her smile and laughter. Today, she did not want to leave me home as she wanted to be sure that I shall make it to her school concert and watch her dance. I am looking forward to seeing her perform. Samara reminds us of God's faithfulness, we are so blessed to have her, she has a beautiful her and will always be big sister. I am also thankful ...

I am listening to "A voice of hope-Trusting God Again" on http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8xpDRqZDKKs#at=270 Was all this about trust?  Do I really trust Him? Did I ever trust Him? Did He want me trust Him more?