Skip to main content

The Ache in My Heart

 Dear Jaden,


Today is the eve of the 9th year since you left me. I heard that adversity builds character and we should embrace it . For sure your loss and the journey has been a roller coaster and great contributor to who I am today. 

But tonight, I do not feel strong, tonight I feel afraid that if I continue to write ,I shall cry a river. But hey these are the emotions sometimes that I must sit with , no shortcuts and live through them. Tomorrow my son, I shall be strong, tomorrow my son, I shall be hopeful but for today, let me wallow in this space of missing you, remembering the tears I shed the eve 9years ago wanting you in my arms, wanting to go home with you and not leave you in the ICU alone. I didn't know, it was the launch to many more hours, days, months and years of never having to see you, hold you, hug you, kiss you. Oh my heart aches tonight but tomorrow there is hope.


From my aching heart.

Love always mummy.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Journey with Caleb's Family

A friend requested me to share my story on the journey we walked with Caleb's family. So below is a very long blog on that over 1 month. Am not sure what is in store for us ahead but this far it has been God. After our experience with Atrial Septal Defect(ASD) through our daughter Samara, I felt within me a call to look for people to partner with regarding kids with heart issues. So In January this year, I checked the net and bumped into a local NGO. The organization basically deals with kids with heart defects from poor families. I thought it was a noble call and contacted the organization. They were fast to respond and I visited them alone and over the weekend on a Saturday with my family. On the Saturday we went, we met Caleb and his parents. This was end of January and they were discussing with the founder of the organization about how to raise airfare for them to travel to India, first week of February. I held Caleb briefly in my arms and his mum kept saying one day her...
Looking back at where I am today and where the 8-4-4 system had placed me, I thank God that He has a purpose and plan for all of us. At times I wonder whether I will be able to tell my kids that I was never in the top 10 position in class. Most of our parents have told us how they were position 1 in their class and I always wonder who was last? Think about it. I envy today’s young generation. Having being raised in Kericho and Nakuru in my younger days, I didn’t know English too well and at 6 years I was speaking broken English. My first birthday was so memorable and exciting in that I could not say birthday and would welcome my friends and visitors by saying ‘welcome to my passday’. Oh well ,thank God that we catch up quick and I went to Milimani Primary and later Nairobi Primary and my report forms would read “ Sylvia is very playful and can do better if she settled down" or "slight imporvement but can do better". Class 8 came and I scored 432/700, and that was ok...

Day 2

 After receiving news of death of a loved one, as one is grieving there are many things to be done regarding burial:where to bury, when to bury and how to bury. In Africa, relatives and the community start trickling in to comfort the family.  When a baby dies sometimes the family may have to decide whether to bury or allow hospital to do so.Sometimes the family may not know what to do or may just feel overwhelmed. Either way it's emotionally draining to make such decisions. I kept negotiating in my mind, this was not the plan, we were to take Jaden home not look for a funeral home andsite to bury him. Our family and friends supported us by accompanying us to hospital, pay bills, transfer baby to funeral home and assisted Alex in processing documents. They helped ask questions, ensure things were handled in a proper way. We never felt alone.  It is kind of the community to come visit the bereaved,it assures them of the love and support. Sometimes it can be overwhelming but...