I have loved the month of July. I was so set for a very very cold month bearing in mind how June was. Amazingly God decided to bless us most of the days with sunshine, which I appreciated. It was actually not like July.
Last week, I was dressing baby gal..she is actually not baby gal anymore she is all grown and now 3.5years. Anyways, I used some moisturizing lotion that we used used for Jaden and I was feeling lazy to reach out for her lotion and she asked" mum , that's Jaden's mafuta(oil). Why didn't Jaden go with it to heaven? I laughed and told her he didn't need the lotion in heaven as he had plenty. We finished dressing and went about our day. Am so glad we have reached a point where we can talk about Jaden and our lives move on well.
Last Sunday, our friends Rosemary and Sasha visited our church with their kids and we were helping baby sit during the service. All was going well, until a couple walked with a very new born baby gal. She was so small, must have been about 3 weeks and they sat a few rows ahead of us but placed her car seat directly facing us. My heart skipped..she slept so peacefully but it was so uncomfortable for me. At the time I was holding Rosemary's daughter who is about 4months. I thought I had dealt with babies but I realised that I could handle older babies, but had not dealt with babies around 3-4 weeks because that is the age I could identify with Jaden. I was relieved when church ended.
Yesterday Sunday, the same couple walked in a few minutes after the church service began. The lady looked for a seat and I prayed that they do not sit ahead of us. Thankfully they sat on the furthest end of our row & I couldn't see the baby. I knew that yesterday, I couldn't have pulled through .At that point, I could identify with the many mums who either miscarried or lost babies. I have had many say returning to church was very difficult because they see all these mums in the creche with their babies. I would have changed my sitting position. However, these are steps towards healing. We can not stop going to Church, we can not refuse to hold babies because life has to move on, we take it slow and a step at a time until we feel comfortable.
The healing continues and am so happy that I had that experience, no matter how uncomfortable it maybe , it points out to an area that God needs to touch and am willing for Him to walk with me and heal me.
Last week, I was dressing baby gal..she is actually not baby gal anymore she is all grown and now 3.5years. Anyways, I used some moisturizing lotion that we used used for Jaden and I was feeling lazy to reach out for her lotion and she asked" mum , that's Jaden's mafuta(oil). Why didn't Jaden go with it to heaven? I laughed and told her he didn't need the lotion in heaven as he had plenty. We finished dressing and went about our day. Am so glad we have reached a point where we can talk about Jaden and our lives move on well.
Last Sunday, our friends Rosemary and Sasha visited our church with their kids and we were helping baby sit during the service. All was going well, until a couple walked with a very new born baby gal. She was so small, must have been about 3 weeks and they sat a few rows ahead of us but placed her car seat directly facing us. My heart skipped..she slept so peacefully but it was so uncomfortable for me. At the time I was holding Rosemary's daughter who is about 4months. I thought I had dealt with babies but I realised that I could handle older babies, but had not dealt with babies around 3-4 weeks because that is the age I could identify with Jaden. I was relieved when church ended.
Yesterday Sunday, the same couple walked in a few minutes after the church service began. The lady looked for a seat and I prayed that they do not sit ahead of us. Thankfully they sat on the furthest end of our row & I couldn't see the baby. I knew that yesterday, I couldn't have pulled through .At that point, I could identify with the many mums who either miscarried or lost babies. I have had many say returning to church was very difficult because they see all these mums in the creche with their babies. I would have changed my sitting position. However, these are steps towards healing. We can not stop going to Church, we can not refuse to hold babies because life has to move on, we take it slow and a step at a time until we feel comfortable.
The healing continues and am so happy that I had that experience, no matter how uncomfortable it maybe , it points out to an area that God needs to touch and am willing for Him to walk with me and heal me.
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