The Hollow Feeling

This hollow feeling is back and so intense. I miss Jaden so much. Why did you choose him? Why did you allow us to meet him then take him away? The feeling is so sad..I am trying to get my footing in you..at times I feel like I will take a break and disappear just to look out for your voice in all this.

Yesterday, I was craving for twins, sometimes I feel like I should be blessed with twins to payback for the loss..not really payback but just to compensate for the hurt, brokenness and emptiness.

Yet I know you are God, and you have something worked out. I am thinking and fighting the feel that I need another child, yet Lord I know you at your own time will bless us..you are not a liar, to turn on your word..I know my womb is blessed..oh dear Lord, I feel like I can run through this valley, yet I hear you say, I need to walk through it..won’t you uphold me?Won’t you soothe this loneliness? What treasures are in these darkness? I recall you said in the midst of dark cloud ,you are there..I know you are there but I cant feel you, I cant hear you Lord..speak to my heart, speak to my broken heart dear Lord

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Unconditional love

As I went home last yesterday, I heard the song 'In harms way' by BeBe Winans, Rhett Lawrence, Margaret Bell-Byars. When listening to music, I want to know the lyrics,what the song is communicating and how it applies in my life. This song reminds me of God's unconditional love, even when I do not deserve it, even when I have given up , even when he knows all He knows about me, he doesn't let go of me. That is just amazing. Undying love you've given to me Seen in me things I would never have seen I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery Time and time again I ask myself What have I done to deserve such wealth The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity Chorus: In wanting to save me In order to save the day Because of love you placed yourself In harm's way It's truly beyond me Left without a word to say What kind of love would place itself In harm's way? What kind of love would place itself In harm...

Weight-Part 2

Once the baby is breastfeeding and starts to wean, the eyes shift from the mother to the child. Common comments ‘ what are you feeding your baby on? They are growing so well. During baby clinics, pressure mounts because your child's weight gain doesn't seem to match that of another or a friend's child. Next time you take the baby for vaccination open your ears and eyes. It’s like people are sizing each other up, or trying to boost their image especially if their baby “seems” to be ahead of others. I know this is a sensitive topic but all am saying is, yes the mother/parents have worked pretty hard to ensure that their baby is growing well and that is ok and we appreciate the good job done, but hey do we stop to think about that other woman/family who is feeling like a failure because as per the society as long as your baby is not growing as well as we expect, the mother( most times) isn't doing a good job? Do we ask ourselves why isn't that child not growing as...

Looking back at where I am today and where the 8-4-4 system had placed me, I thank God that He has a purpose and plan for all of us. At times I wonder whether I will be able to tell my kids that I was never in the top 10 position in class. Most of our parents have told us how they were position 1 in their class and I always wonder who was last? Think about it. I envy today’s young generation. Having being raised in Kericho and Nakuru in my younger days, I didn’t know English too well and at 6 years I was speaking broken English. My first birthday was so memorable and exciting in that I could not say birthday and would welcome my friends and visitors by saying ‘welcome to my passday’. Oh well ,thank God that we catch up quick and I went to Milimani Primary and later Nairobi Primary and my report forms would read “ Sylvia is very playful and can do better if she settled down" or "slight imporvement but can do better". Class 8 came and I scored 432/700, and that was ok...

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