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To Jaden-1month later

Jaden,I can't find the right words to express the void within me. I miss you so much my son,my peaceful one.Never did you give us a hard time. last month,a day like today you were in the ICU.As I was about to leave for home at night,I called your name and you responded so well. I sang to you,the song that you seemed to love 'I love you,you love me,we are a happy family,with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,won't you say you love me too'.As I sang you moved so much towards me in the incubator and I cried because I longed to hold you and cuddle you like I did before the surgery.I cried all the way home. I didn't know that it was our last mum to son bonding session.I didn't know that one month later, I would still cry like I did but this time, I can't look forward to seeing your handsome face tomorrow after being away for the nite. Jaden,I miss you dearly,I feel the pain in my stomach,a day hasn't passed without wondering whether am dreaming or it is real. I try to cling on memories of your smile while you slept,your kisses..oh my heart aches and longs for you my son.I still remember how I pleaded with God for your life on that day,I have never begged for something like that and I hoped you would wake up and we would have a great testimony on our miracle baby. but the Lord so it fit that you join Him. that thought,I hold it with mixed feelings. Am glad you are with Jesus,but I miss you baby and would have loved to have you here with us.My testimony is different today because,no matter the buckets of tears I cry,when I feel I can't go on, I have learned to trust God to give me strength,just to wake up.Some days are better than others,some are hard like when your big sister misses you and says we go see you in hospital or that she wants to see you sleeping peacefully like you did in the living room.she gets excited when I show her pictures of you,her favorite is that of you while you are awake. I love you so much,we all do and miss you dearly.

Comments

Ems Makuthi said…
HARD!!! HARD!!! HARD!!!!
11 December 2012 at 14:31
Ems Makuthi said…
Hard, Hard, Hard, Hard...I miss him too...i have thought about Jayden, every day, especially every night before i go to sleep. I am so glad i visited all times possible..i still remember the green sweater he wore...may be because i love green and it felt so warm to me...its so hard to imagine...my tears have never dried and its okay...i do miss my nephew, i do miss JJ..i miss him so much...
11 December 2012 at 14:44
Rosemary Teka said…
hard hard hard you can say that again I remember the cute smile and when your daddy was cleaning you in hospital some days before the surgery and you were so calm and I was just admiring that,when you would lie down and not fuss at all just peacefull and so handsome we miss you so much JJ..... that evening when you left us, I remember I wailed so much like never before in my life it was so painful although all in all we thank God that you are in a better place and we shall see you one day....we love you
14 December 2012 at 17:04
monicah said…
tis really hard and even to read your blog sly and tears freely flow....i miss yu jaden my sweet little nephew and i know that some day we will be together again.....
15 December 2012 at 10:17
Sylvia_Counselor said…
Thanks guys for walking this road with us.Thank you for the love..am starting to see that Jaden may not be here but love never ends.A friend gave us a sticker that says..family is where life begins and love never ends.
16 December 2012 at 23:14
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