Skip to main content

Good To Great Marriages

Marriage Message #206 - Moving Your Marriage From Good to Great

"Few people attain great lives, in large part because it's just too easy to settle for a good life" -Jim Collins

I (Steve) read the best selling book, "Good to Great" that has motivated and changed a lot of business leaders over the past few years. It didn't take long to see that the same principles the author, Jim Collins, was revealing to move companies (and their leadership) from good to great are the same principles that can move marriages from good to great.

Let me rephrase what Collins said above, applying it to our marriages: "Few couples attain great marriages, in large part because it's just too easy to settle for a good marriage." I sincerely believe this because that's exactly where I was in the past. I was content to say that my marriage was "good." This was partly because I didn't have clue at the time as to what a "great" marriage looked like and partly because it was just easier to settle for good.

I want to be careful here because you may define a "good" marriage differently from how I (and probably many others) define it. A definition of what I used to think made a marriage "good" comes from Scott Engleman's study called, "The Genesis of Marriage." Many say, "it is two people seeking a peaceful co-existence together with the hope of obtaining a measure of personal happiness." On the surface there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that, right? Certainly it's better than being in a marriage where there is constant conflict. 

What Cindy and I have come to realize is that God never intended for any of us to just "settle" for anything less than His best. If you're satisfied with a marriage because it is "absent of conflict," you're settling for less. If you have obtained a "measure of personal happiness" in your marriage and you think that's good enough, you're settling for something FAR LESS than what God wants for our marriages. As Collins said in his book, "Good is the enemy of that which is great."

Now, you may need to stop and think about this for a few minutes like I did to let the truth of that statement sink in. After you've thought about it we'd like to give you a few ways you can move your marriage from "Good to Great."

1.  Great marriages are built on the solid foundation of God's Word. We all know couples with very good marriage that don't claim to know Christ or have a belief in God. Cindy and I believe, that while it's possible for a couple, that doesn't build their marriage on God's Word, to have a good marriage, they still miss God's design for a GREAT marriage if it is truly lived out as God intends.

It begins when both the husband and wife have prayed and asked Jesus Christ to be their personal Savior and Lord. (If you have Internet access and you have questions about what this means, go to the following link: www.needhim.com).

Then it's important to understand what God intends for the ultimate purpose of what marriage is to be: "It is a man and a woman on a life-long journey together towards God" (Scott Engleman). It has little to do with obtaining a measure of comfort and happiness. "Marriage is about change --it's about changing YOU." (Engleman)

What does that change look like? Well, the Apostle Paul gave us a good snapshot of what a marriage moving towards God should embody: "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)

2.  Great marriages are ones that have a shared and clear mission/vision. It's important that every married couple have a shared vision (written down for easy reference) for their marriage. Without one, it's easy to falter in your commitments to each other and drift from the things that are most important for your growth through God's plan for you as a couple. Vision Statements can change over the years as you pass through the various stages of marriage and life together. (You can see samples of Mission/Vision statements for marriage at www.marriagemissions.com.)

If you're newlyweds, your Vision Statement may have something to do with how you are both going to be committed to God and each other, to learn and grow in your understanding of each other. When you begin having a family your Vision Statement should reflect how you as a couple or going to work together to instill godly values in your children. It should also contain a commitment to working on your own relationship so you won't neglect meeting each other's needs. After your children are grown and out of the house you would probably want to restate and revise the vision you have for your marriage together again as just a couple and what you want to accomplish in the years you have left on earth.

We are told in Proverbs 29:18, "Where there is no revelation (also translated as 'vision') the people cast off restraint." When you have a shared vision, no matter what conflicts or problems that come your way (and they definitely will), God can remind you that you are a couple who has a shared vision and you WILL work together to resolve any problem. Why should you do this? Jeremiah 32:39 tells us why: "I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them."

3.  Great marriages consist of a couple who is "in it" for the long haul --no matter what comes their way. As Jim Collins says in his book (talking to business leaders) if they want to move their company from "good to great," it will take an "unwavering resolve --to do what must be done."

We admit this will at times be very difficult to fulfill. It is one thing to have an "unwavering resolve" when you're arguing over whose turn it is to clean the bathroom. It's a lot more difficult to "do what must be done" when one of you is diagnosed with a debilitating disease that is going to change your marriage in every way possible. But God tells us in Romans 12:10, "Be devoted to one another in ...Love. Honor one another above yourselves." And then in 1 Corinthians 4:2, we're told, "it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful." 

We realize we have barely begun to explore the depths of this topic, but we hope you have been challenged to take a hard look at yourselves this week and ask yourselves these questions: (1) Is our marriage built on God's Word? (2) Do we have a clear, shared vision for our marriage? (3) Do we have that unwavering resolve to do what must be done? If you answer "no" to any of those questions it's time to make the necessary changes so that in the years to come, when you look back on your lives, you will be able to say, "We have had a GREAT marriage!"

God Bless!
Steve and Cindy Wright

Comments

Anonymous said…
Everything is very open wіth a really clear clаrificatiοn of
the challenges. It was really informаtive. Υоur site is
νеry useful. Τhаnk yоu foг sharing!
Feel free to visit my blog :: Cardiac Disease

Popular posts from this blog

Unconditional love

As I went home last yesterday, I heard the song 'In harms way'  by BeBe Winans, Rhett Lawrence, Margaret Bell-Byars. When listening to music, I want to know the lyrics,what the song is communicating and how it applies in my life. This song reminds me of God's unconditional love, even when I do not deserve it, even when I have given up , even when he knows all He knows about me, he doesn't let go of me. That is just amazing. Undying love you've given to me Seen in me things I would never have seen I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery Time and time again I ask myself What have I done to deserve such wealth The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity Chorus: In wanting to save me In order to save the day Because of love you placed yourself In harm's way It's truly beyond me Left without a word to say What kind of love would place itself In harm's way? What kind of love would place itself In harm...

My Journey with Caleb's Family

A friend requested me to share my story on the journey we walked with Caleb's family. So below is a very long blog on that over 1 month. Am not sure what is in store for us ahead but this far it has been God. After our experience with Atrial Septal Defect(ASD) through our daughter Samara, I felt within me a call to look for people to partner with regarding kids with heart issues. So In January this year, I checked the net and bumped into a local NGO. The organization basically deals with kids with heart defects from poor families. I thought it was a noble call and contacted the organization. They were fast to respond and I visited them alone and over the weekend on a Saturday with my family. On the Saturday we went, we met Caleb and his parents. This was end of January and they were discussing with the founder of the organization about how to raise airfare for them to travel to India, first week of February. I held Caleb briefly in my arms and his mum kept saying one day her...

Atrial Septal Defect

Atrial septal defect (ASD), is a heart condition that can affect kids. Normal Heart Function To understand an ASD, it helps to know how the heart works. The heart has four chambers. The lower chambers of the heart are called the ventricles: a left ventricle and a right ventricle. The upper chambers are the atria and there are two— a left atrium and a right atrium. You may already know that your heart is a muscle that pumps blood throughout your body. In a person without a heart defect, blue blood that's low in oxygen flows first to the right atrium, then to the right ventricle, and is then pumped to the lungs to receive oxygen. The red oxygen-rich blood then returns to the left atrium, flows from there into the left ventricle, and heads out to the body through the aorta, a large blood vessel that carries blood from the heart to the smaller blood vessels in the body. Between the right and left atria is a wall called the septum that...