My Life

A client called  this week specifically to find out about the baby.She had bought a gift for baby and wanted to know how we were doing. Being a mum of two ,I didn't know how to tell her about my baby not being with me.I finally gathered myself and I explained Jaden's story and she felt quite guilty about having asked but again I explained it was not her fault. That afternoon another client called and after talking about a product she wanted she remembered that she had seen me pregnant sometime back and asked whether I got the baby, and I said yes and brushed it off. She said she would come by the office the next day and I was like phew, I wont be there to explain anything but she changed her mind and said she would pop into the shop on this particular day. Samara was taking her nap when the client came with her family and she asked oh..you have the older one here..where is the small one..at home? Awkward place to be at... So that has been my experience this week. How does it ...

A few days after bring baby J home, we met our next door neighbor who was expectant and due in December.We chatted and we found out that she too was expecting a boy and had coincidentally picked same names for our boys.Last week,her child came home and I couldn't help but feel so emotional. A Jaden is next door and my Jaden ain't here with us.I never knew clothes on a hang line could bother me so much..I admire the baby clothes they hang to dry..they are right outside my daughter's bedroom window. I have no problem holding and cuddling babies,even after Jaden passsed on,but the fact that my next door new born is my son's namesake...a constant reminder ..All I can pray is for God's peace to reign,I know the Lord will grant us grace and peace..lakini his ni ngumu kiasi                                                We are blessed with wonderful friends who do not mind ...

Jaden,I can't find the right words to express the void within me. I miss you so much my son,my peaceful one.Never did you give us a hard time. last month,a day like today you were in the ICU.As I was about to leave for home at night,I called your name and you responded so well. I sang to you,the song that you seemed to love 'I love you,you love me,we are a happy family,with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,won't you say you love me too'.As I sang you moved so much towards me in the incubator and I cried because I longed to hold you and cuddle you like I did before the surgery.I cried all the way home. I didn't know that it was our last mum to son bonding session.I didn't know that one month later, I would still cry like I did but this time, I can't look forward to seeing your handsome face tomorrow after being away for the nite. Jaden,I miss you dearly,I feel the pain in my stomach,a day hasn't passed without wondering whether am dreaming or it ...