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It does get lonely-6 Months Now

As mentioned in my earlier blogs, we lost a lovely pastor last week Wednesday. I said that I didn't know her personally but by the fact that she conducted Jaden's funeral 6months ago and that I had interacted with her a few times, I feel a great loss. It hurts to see her family cry, it hurts to see the pastoral team cry and hurt.It also hurts to see her good friends grief. Death is so painful and as I have sat in those funeral meetings, I have had fresh memories of the pain of losing a loved one.

How I wish to tell them as they were told yesterday that it gets more lonely after the funeral. It gets lonely when you get home and others return to their lives and you are left to try pick up the pieces. After the funeral is when the reality dawns that truly your loved one is gone, yet they were assured that God raises a people who stand by your side in the new journey.  God brings people who pray, who cook, who call you and allow you to just pour your heart.

The greatest assurance is that God never leaves us alone, even when we are at our lowest, God is there rock bottom, when we do not want to wake up, He is there and understands. He alone can soothe the pain, hurt and loss. 

 How I wish to tell all , that it is ok to ask questions, God can handle it. It is ok to cry, you are not obligated to pretend you are strong but with days passing, God has a way of healing the pain.You shall never forget but the pain gets bearable as you cling to Him for comfort. 

Please do not run away from God, run towards Him, cry at His feet. Don't we have a good motivation now? Don't you see eternity is for real? Don't you see an opportunity to walk with God and be able to see Him and our loved ones in Heaven? I know for sure my perspective changed when Jayden passed on. I do not fear death because I want to die and go to heaven to meet him. The other day,Alex asked, when we get to heaven , what height will Jayden be? I told him, he will be as tall as Samara(she is 3yrs3months) but beyond  a doubt, we shall know him as he shall be there waiting for us.

 May we grief, that is ok, but may we run to God even in our dark season. Am so proud of the congregation and the pastors. They were not shy to cry, or say how confused and sad they felt. They didn't try to be macho men and pretend all is well. Fact is there is a time for everything, there is a time to moan and it is good.

I am looking forward to visiting my son's grave and lay some flowers. It is so much better,today,  6months later, so much better than it was then 15th November 2012.It hurts but is bearable.Thank you Lord for soothing our heart aches and filling the void a day at a time. Thank you Lord for giving us courage to face each day, because today is ours ,tomorrow is in your hands.

 Blessings

 Sylvia

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