8Years Today
Today is not an easy day but a grace filled day. I woke up and remembered that 8years ago, a day like this, we came face to face with death. Jaden, our second born son passed on 29days after birth. It was shocking, never thought babies die but ours did. We were ushered into the personal journey of grief, where facing everyday was like facing a giant of loss, grief and the emotions.
Looking back, am thankful that God helped me stay sane. I asked Him many questions, I was confused as to why Jaden had to leave so soon yet he had not stayed too long. I remember the agony, the tears, the hollow feeling and emptiness I felt.I followed and trusted God in my pain and confusion. I could not pray, I could only listen to soft music to sooth me. I was afraid to be alone even in the shower and I carried my worship music with me.
8years, how did we get here after such a loss? It's not easy but telling myself that loss is a personal journey and that it can't be thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Loss calls us to be courageous, to face each hour, to face emptiness, to face our society and to soldier on with a limp. Jaden's death helped us become sensitive and walk with those going through loss. We don't have answers but we journey and walk along side them.
We refused to waste the pain, we miss Jaden, we think of him, recently introduced him to his younger brother and reminded his older sister of him, it was special and now we feel complete that despite his absence, he is known by each of us and is special in our hearts.
What am saying is that there is no destination when it comes to journey of loss and grief. However, journeying with God for me has made a great difference. It has given me courage to face the hard days, the not so good days and the good days. I never thought I would survive 8years ago when I held Jaden in my arms. But God, But God, here we, are 8years later.
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