This
morning my heart is bubbling with joy. I am overwhelmed by God’s love for me
and my family especially in this year. I can testify over and over that God is
real in my life and His promises are always true no matter how long they take.
Psalms 139:14-16 says;
I praise you because I
am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When
I was woven together in the depths of the earth, our eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came
to be.
Jeremiah 1:4-5 says;
Before I formed you in
the womb ,I knew you before you were born.
That
is my testimony this beautiful morning. I never knew that I would ever write
about baby number three and being pregnant again. It is a pure and perfect gift
from God and only He knew about baby before us.
Are
we excited yes we are excited to be pregnant now at week 14. This far it has
been an awesome journey and baby gal is excited that she will be having a baby
in the house soon. Am I afraid? Yes I am but my sister Emma says “courage is
doing it afraid”. We had our doctor’s appointment last week and I was all
shaky. I was excited to see baby all grown and playing. The doctor said
something quite profound “this is a walk
of faith” and we agreed. At times we feel like faith is not enough, we want
guarantees that all will be well but God demands of me to have faith even as
small as a master seed.
So
truly it is a walk of faith and depending fully on God to see us through each
day. I look back at when we lost Jaden. We were deeply wounded and felt we did
not need or want another child. I was bitter with God for pulling the rug under
my feet. Our plan was 2 babies( girl and
boy) and all seemed to have fallen into place until Jaden was no more and we couldn’t
understand, how can this be?Who would go down the pregnancy road a third time?
So in our pain, we opted to shelf the baby idea to this new year. As God healed
our hearts, we felt we could trust Him again. After all, God chooses to heal or
not heal and He is Sovereign. So finally
hear we are, desperately clinging to Him because He is our hope and trusting
Him for a healthy baby.
Does
it matter if it is a boy or a girl? I remember once I told my beloved that I
would want a boy, maybe in my subconscious I felt I needed a boy to “compensate”
for loss of Jaden. Yet again when a friend who also lost her son last year told
me she is expecting a baby boy, my heart position shifted. I didn’t think I
wanted a boy anymore..I do not want to look into the boy and and see Jaden..it
may not make sense but I am also not still sure I want a gal. I know confusing
as it may sound, this time round, I am fully dependent on God. He alone knows
best. Emma asked me if I will check the sex of the baby and I said yes. And
again I shall do it with courage and place my hope and trust in my God. Psalms
139:1-5 “Because God knows everything about the baby now and everything about
the baby in the future”.
So
what do I ask of you my friend? Walk with us through this journey. Keep praying
for us and place your trust in God for your life, because He never plans evil,
He has a good and perfect plan for each
one of us.
Blessings
Sylvia
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