Jaden,I can't find the right words to express the void within me. I miss you so much my son,my peaceful one.Never did you give us a hard time. last month,a day like today you were in the ICU.As I was about to leave for home at night,I called your name and you responded so well. I sang to you,the song that you seemed to love 'I love you,you love me,we are a happy family,with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,won't you say you love me too'.As I sang you moved so much towards me in the incubator and I cried because I longed to hold you and cuddle you like I did before the surgery.I cried all the way home. I didn't know that it was our last mum to son bonding session.I didn't know that one month later, I would still cry like I did but this time, I can't look forward to seeing your handsome face tomorrow after being away for the nite. Jaden,I miss you dearly,I feel the pain in my stomach,a day hasn't passed without wondering whether am dreaming or it is real. I try to cling on memories of your smile while you slept,your kisses..oh my heart aches and longs for you my son.I still remember how I pleaded with God for your life on that day,I have never begged for something like that and I hoped you would wake up and we would have a great testimony on our miracle baby. but the Lord so it fit that you join Him. that thought,I hold it with mixed feelings. Am glad you are with Jesus,but I miss you baby and would have loved to have you here with us.My testimony is different today because,no matter the buckets of tears I cry,when I feel I can't go on, I have learned to trust God to give me strength,just to wake up.Some days are better than others,some are hard like when your big sister misses you and says we go see you in hospital or that she wants to see you sleeping peacefully like you did in the living room.she gets excited when I show her pictures of you,her favorite is that of you while you are awake. I love you so much,we all do and miss you dearly.
As I went home last yesterday, I heard the song 'In harms way' by BeBe Winans, Rhett Lawrence, Margaret Bell-Byars. When listening to music, I want to know the lyrics,what the song is communicating and how it applies in my life. This song reminds me of God's unconditional love, even when I do not deserve it, even when I have given up , even when he knows all He knows about me, he doesn't let go of me. That is just amazing. Undying love you've given to me Seen in me things I would never have seen I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery Time and time again I ask myself What have I done to deserve such wealth The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity Chorus: In wanting to save me In order to save the day Because of love you placed yourself In harm's way It's truly beyond me Left without a word to say What kind of love would place itself In harm's way? What kind of love would place itself In harm...
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