My Life

Introducing -  A PEEK INTO A GRIEVING HEART The TEARS Foundation, Kenya, has been trying to break the silence associated with child loss grief  among our communities  (pregnancy loss, stillbirth & infants/children death). There is a silent rule that these are not losses worthy grieving or talking about: when you do, you should “move with speed” and “move on” as if nothing happened. We know this silence coupled with societal attitudes has pushed families to dark pits. Siblings included. There is nothing as harmful as unacknowledged loss-unsupported/disenfranchised grief. Let us have this conversation. We have many issues eating into the fabric of our society, this is one of them - unacknowledged loss-unsupported/disenfranchised grief. We now have a forum, thought through since December 2019. It is time to bring it from the back burners. Invited speakers will help us  Peek Into A Grieving Heart after a child dies. Bring all your families and friends to ...

This afternoon, I had a delivery in Lang'ata and purposed to pass by Jaden's grave. It had been a long while since I visited, but as I walked towards the grave, I was met with blooming yellow flowers that really warmed my heart. I had come with an agenda, I wanted to change the flowers around the grave and thankfully had Gitua who cleans and ensures the place is presentable give me a tour around the cemetery to showcase his work. I was amused within me, the things we do as a result of loss are strange yet have become normal to us.  After about an hour, I had picked a few yellow flowers put them carefully on the back seat and drove home in comoftable silence. No tears, no sad emotions just gratitude but it has been almost 8 years this November 2020.

My heart is full and so thankful.

A picture is worth a thousand words.Today,12th May,2020 was very special. We visited Tears Foundation's office and Joyce caught me off guard and requested that I honour Jaden. She explained that because of Jaden, I have got to know Tears Foundation and am now a peer companion, walking with others in their journey of child loss.  I sat, chose a green teddy(I love green for boys), wrote a small note and stuck it on the wall. That was special in itself,but Joyce was not done yet, she had a bracelet for mum. To remind me of the journey of loving Jaden in my heart and a precious stone(pendant) to remind me that Jaden is precious.  My heart is full, what a great gift,2days after mother's day celebration. Almost 7 years after my baby rested, I feel honoured by my three children(not sure you get it,but I do)  . Thank you Joyce , words cannot express what I feel right.Thank you Njoki for being a witness that there are indeed treasures in the dark.

My cousin sent this to the family Whatsapp group and it really captivated me. Indeed motherhood is a verb, a doing word. When we see Mother's day, we are happy about it and thankful that mothers are celebrated on this second Sunday of May. If mother is a verb, then it includes many other women. It includes mums in waiting, those who walk with others as though they are their own, those whose arms are empty because of loss or because of infertility challenges or those still waiting for a spouse. Another category of mothers are those whose marriages may have not worked out, or single mothers, or those with defiant children, or widowed, they may feel less of mothers but that's not true. A mother is a mother and we love them all. This day, let us celebrate all kinds of mothers because mothers are special and have huge hearts. Let us send them a text, call, email and remind them all that they are loved and special. Happy Mother's day to you. You are loved and appreciat...

On April 25th, 2020, I received an interesting email from  Joyce,the  TEARS Foundation,Kenya Chapter  Leader &  Support Group Facilitator . She was informing us that every Sunday before Mother's Day , we celebrate International Bereaved Mother's day.  On this day the world celebrates and acknowledges all mothers , who had children but no longer have them in their arms. It does not matter  whether it was a  pregnancy loss, in between or adult loss. Child loss is child loss. It is not a day for pity party but a day to celebrate mothers, once a mother always a mother.  Hearing of International Bereaved Mother's day  for the first time brought much joy,having been a mother to Jaden (baby J) who passed on three weeks after birth in November 2012. My baby boy, our second born,  our first son, was a such a joy.We all loved him at first sight even his big sister(2 years at the time). I s there a day to celebrate bereaved fathers and sibli...

Having stayed home with the children the past 7 weeks during Covid-19, I have come to appreciate each of them.What a privilege to be a mother.I love the kisses, hugs, cuddles, stories, disagreements, make ups after the fights, the innovation, the love for God and much much more. Last week, I was taking Nate through the 'Story of Me', a book series of God's Design For Sex that helps parents talk openly to children on their sexuality from a godly perspective. After our session,I went through the babies birth pictures and decided to put them all in one folder, something I have never done. These after birth photos capture precious moments in the delivery room.  Samara Jaden Nate We are in May, a new month and I have been reflecting on the gift of motherhood.  My heart is filled with much gratitude. Happy Mother's Day.